Sunday, November 29, 2015

Counting the days....

I am not counting the days to Christmas. I am not counting the days to Athens...
Counting the days to my students exams. This time I can feel it...
Due to my current job, I could not take up new students. But I wanted to be fair to the people I had already taught these previous years and not let them go in their final year (or in my case, months).
Don't get me wrong. I love my job, both at the office and teaching, but...
Working 13 hours a day non stop for almost a year is really affecting me negatively lately.
It seems that all I do is wake up at 6.30am, cook, clean, go to work at 9, teach afterwards and go home late at night. Whenever I find the chance to actually sit on a couch, I fall asleep.
And although I have been able to support my family, I have no time for myself, no time for my kid. I just work. I try to be efficient at my work. I know that I am doing my best to be efficient. And it works.
But is that life?
I do believe I am a workaholic. I would never live without working. I would probably get crazy. But there comes a time when you just need the time off. A day when you say I have nothing to do. I can sit on the couch all day watching TV or go out for a run with my kid or have lunch in a tavern with my family or go our for a beer with a friend and not think about what I have to do in the afternoon.
I know it was my choice - or maybe it was not a choice, it was a necessity if you consider my family's situation.
But I get jealous.
I get jealous when I see people going out for coffee in the afternoon.
I get jealous when I seen couples going out for walks holding hands.
I get jealous when I see kids with their parents on bikes being happy.
I get jealous when I hear friends making travel plans.
I get jealous when I hear that somebody had a great time partying last night.

My only entertainment lately is one hour a week doing power yoga ( coming from a person who practically lived at the gym a couple of yeas ago)
And creating choreographies for my spinning while I am walking to my lessons, listening to music. I don't know if I will ever use these choreographies or songs. The dream of working as an instructor is a distant one at the moment. I just find joy in this. It is a bit dangerous though, since I am not paying any attention crossing the street (yesterday I almost got hit by a car!!!)
I am not complaining. I have just reached my limits.
I am lucky to have a steady job. I am lucky to be recognized for my work.
I have to work on the quality of my life though.
Create moments for my kid.
Devote time to my inner balance.
Follow the dreams I once had and got forgotten.
I don't really need a New Year's Resolution list this year. Only one decision is enough:


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